the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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