he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
