Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
