But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
