So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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