I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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