Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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