Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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