i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
