Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize