i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
