U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
