PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
