Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
