writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
