i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
