I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
