Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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