the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
