Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Watching her eat just hurts me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
