is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
