4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Everything about him screamed your future.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
