He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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