Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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