I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
