Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
