Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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