My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Michael Bay diarrhea
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize