And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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