shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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