I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you traded sex for a burrito?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
