You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i dont even know how to be here
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
