We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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