No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
