I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize