Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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