I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
