You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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