"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
