i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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