Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
