did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize