for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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