the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
