how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she looked like the before picture.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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