ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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