thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
