i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
