well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
