Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
