mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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