does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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