now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
