her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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