Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
