8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
