may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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