Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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