Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
