He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
