You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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