does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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