batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
