In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize