I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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