I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
