Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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