Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
