I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize