Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
