i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
