I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
