remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
