well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
