In the future we'll all be gay
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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