the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
