There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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