You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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