I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
